You Won’t Just Cry When They Die: 101 Gentle Messages to Help With Grief

Love, Loss and the heartbreaking reality of grief.
A little book to help you survive, cope and gently heal when your whole world falls apart.

You Won't Just Cry When They Die is a must-read book on grief for anyone who has loved and lost.

Offering 101 gentle messages, this little book will help you to survive, cope and tenderly heal when your insurmountable grief and loss are unbearable, and you face those days you can't face.

"How brave it was for you to pick up this book. How incredibly brave. I'm sorry that you found it. Glad. But sorry."

- Elizabeth Deacle // You Won't Just Cry When They Die

With the author's meditative voice, You Won't Just Cry When They Die by Elizabeth Deacle is an audiobook that gave me the warm hug I didn't know I needed.

This book is a collection of 101 messages for those navigating through the world of heart-shattering loss. Each chapter presents a gentle acknowledgement of the reader's pain, with encouragement for them to take the next step.

I felt like each of these messages is like a wrung on a ladder, allowing the reader the opportunity to slowly climb out of their hiding place.

"Let out an almighty breath. Bellow, boom, roar, scream. Released what is begging to be released."

Elizabeth slowly unfolds the journey of grief - one that everyone will no doubt experience in their lifetime. I felt the unforgiving ache of loss heavily.

But then, without pressure or expectation, she creates a space for the reader to simply be. A place to recognise their emotions, to make it a little easier to cope with their pain, and to endure grief just that little bit better.

"We think of being sad as being empty... But many years ago the word sad meant something else. It originated from the old English word saed. Which meant full... Overtime this fullness took on an emotional weight... of being heavy hearted... So when you say you're sad, you're speaking an ancient truth... You are full of sorrow, yes, but not just that... You're full of love with a place for it to go. And that place is grief."

While listening to this book, it made me think of what other people have said about grief. I thought of Corinne Bailey Rae's song The Sea, and I thought of when Jimmy Carr said "grief is the price we pay for love". Like Elizabeth says, everyone will experience grief, and there is no right or wrong way to get through it because it's yours.

The author is an absolute word-wizard. While I have not yet experienced a deep loss, it didn't prevent me from following her through this book with empathy, and with a newfound appreciation and respect of grief.

She sustains her natural sense of humour while being totally grounded and humbling.

"You'll feel so incredibly sensitive... to films, to music, to quotes... to noise to silence, to heat and to cold. Sensitive to shrunken bed sheets... and crusty towels."

New Zealand author, Elizabeth Deacle

The pain that she has clearly endured first-hand has been translated beautifully into words, and woven with emotion into memorable poetry.

Among the many thought-provoking metaphors, I took away that grief is a place you have to go to in order to heal. Images of trains being waved through, like grief being allowed to be released. Of hot air balloons taking you away without control. And of digging in gardens.

"I have been digging around in the garden of grief. Hitting rocks and hard stones, planting seeds and forgetting to water them. Upturning sorrowful soil and patting it down again. Raking through reasons and ploughing through pain. And, little by little, sob by scream, tear by tear, I have grown stronger."

This is a safe and easy book to read or listen to by even those in the most fragile of mindsets. It can be started on any page with a promise of a soft but enduring whisper of support. Its ease of short chapters is just another small way of helping the reader through. Each chapter is a small recognition of their sorrow.

"Turn to nature for comfort; you'll find she gives without boundaries."

You Won't Just Cry When They Die is the first step to acceptance and peace. It's the friend you can pick up and put down, the hand you can hold and release, the person you can hug and let go of. The control has been put back into the reader's hands - quite literally.

This book's accessibility makes it the perfect gift for someone needing a light to be turned on during their time of darkness. Grief requires patience and time, so it's not something you can fix for someone. But you can reach out and give them this book as a tool to help them rebuild at their own pace.

Like Elizabeth says, soon your grief will be like a dragon out of puff. And this book of peaceful messages helps the reader to face the sun again.

"Because you're doing so very, very well."

Find your copy. Buy direct from Elizabeth's website, or on Amazon (cheaper shipping for NZ, Australia and Canada).